Once you've got everything
you've ever wanted, you've got everything to lose
Thursday, July 9 / 9:25:00 PM
These past few days, have been so rough for me to deal with. I felt like I was drifting from countless close ones, and had no where to turn to but here. Sad, but true. I felt like I could rant on for days and days about my problems, but the truth to the given fact is that obviously, it wouldn't solve anything, nor help it the single bit I wished it would.
You got on my nerves, which had me ranting on the stupidest shit ever, and felt like the good times we had were forgotten, thrown away, and were never to come back. I felt like, you dropped me, and it was time for me to forget about everything and just move on quicker then you had. But thinking about this situation last night, made me realize what a hypocrite I was being. Sometimes, it's better to bite your tongue then to talk everything out. I'm thankful that my concept of, "go with the flow" and just chill on the shit I deeply endured, would some how work itself out, cause thankfully enough, it did. Our friendship means the fucking world to me, and honestly I can say that these little missunderstandings and unspoken temperaments may be a waste of my time, but in the end are worth it all. I realized that sometimes things need to fall apart to be placed back together perfectly. I noticed that sometimes, missing someone, is the best feeling you could experience.
After all the hard work you put into something, either trying to piece together the perfect friendship, the perfect puzzle- or having it fall apart perfectly and cover it up, and for it to never be seen- when the outcome is totally different, unexpected, yet exactly how you always wanted it to be; is such a relief. You realize so much in the end, not only about the situation you've been dealing with, but about yourself as well.
I've noticed that not only do I, but everyone, probably acts different around every person you meet. Around one of your closest friends, you can go all out and have a fun time, and around others, it's completely awkward. It's weird, and unexplainable, and always will be. You can't even say you know the REAL YOU, because people, including your family, your friends, strangers, only see what you decide to reveal. I can't even explain what I'm trying to say, but... The real you, is only the vision you make and reflect upon yourself. Although I may not completely know and understand the "real" me, the person I decide to show to you, and to a few others, is my favourite. And I'm glad that you saved me. I'm glad that we can still laugh, cry, share secrets, gossip, be angry, care so much about each other, because there's nothing we can control- but the outcome, just like the one we had experienced, is where we hold the control button to. Everything gets thrown at us in fastforward now a days, but we always have the time to just pause everything and make it all good again. I want it like this, and I want it for good. I've realized that friendship isn't about give or take, or having countless acounts of fairness, having more then the others, and outweighing their con's with your pro's or viceversa. Despite every single little thing I've done for you, seeing you and thinking that you simply just didn't care about anything I've done, I was wrong. I was wrong to think that, you haven't done anything for me. You haven't even reached up to my standards, yet I've passed yours by a mile. Maybe you do care, or maybe you don't, but one thing I know for sure is that you've helped me out. You helped me in the smallest ways, but countless times. Something I can't measure. As I said, we have many more mountains to climb- endless possiblities lie before us, and I'm willing to take the risks. Thanks for everything, words can't describe.
You got on my nerves, which had me ranting on the stupidest shit ever, and felt like the good times we had were forgotten, thrown away, and were never to come back. I felt like, you dropped me, and it was time for me to forget about everything and just move on quicker then you had. But thinking about this situation last night, made me realize what a hypocrite I was being. Sometimes, it's better to bite your tongue then to talk everything out. I'm thankful that my concept of, "go with the flow" and just chill on the shit I deeply endured, would some how work itself out, cause thankfully enough, it did. Our friendship means the fucking world to me, and honestly I can say that these little missunderstandings and unspoken temperaments may be a waste of my time, but in the end are worth it all. I realized that sometimes things need to fall apart to be placed back together perfectly. I noticed that sometimes, missing someone, is the best feeling you could experience.
After all the hard work you put into something, either trying to piece together the perfect friendship, the perfect puzzle- or having it fall apart perfectly and cover it up, and for it to never be seen- when the outcome is totally different, unexpected, yet exactly how you always wanted it to be; is such a relief. You realize so much in the end, not only about the situation you've been dealing with, but about yourself as well.
I've noticed that not only do I, but everyone, probably acts different around every person you meet. Around one of your closest friends, you can go all out and have a fun time, and around others, it's completely awkward. It's weird, and unexplainable, and always will be. You can't even say you know the REAL YOU, because people, including your family, your friends, strangers, only see what you decide to reveal. I can't even explain what I'm trying to say, but... The real you, is only the vision you make and reflect upon yourself. Although I may not completely know and understand the "real" me, the person I decide to show to you, and to a few others, is my favourite. And I'm glad that you saved me. I'm glad that we can still laugh, cry, share secrets, gossip, be angry, care so much about each other, because there's nothing we can control- but the outcome, just like the one we had experienced, is where we hold the control button to. Everything gets thrown at us in fastforward now a days, but we always have the time to just pause everything and make it all good again. I want it like this, and I want it for good. I've realized that friendship isn't about give or take, or having countless acounts of fairness, having more then the others, and outweighing their con's with your pro's or viceversa. Despite every single little thing I've done for you, seeing you and thinking that you simply just didn't care about anything I've done, I was wrong. I was wrong to think that, you haven't done anything for me. You haven't even reached up to my standards, yet I've passed yours by a mile. Maybe you do care, or maybe you don't, but one thing I know for sure is that you've helped me out. You helped me in the smallest ways, but countless times. Something I can't measure. As I said, we have many more mountains to climb- endless possiblities lie before us, and I'm willing to take the risks. Thanks for everything, words can't describe.
