Once you've got everything
you've ever wanted, you've got everything to lose
update
Thursday, May 14 / 6:13:00 PM
Time has passed. It's been days, weeks, and even months. And I still do feel this way. It's an indescribable feeling. It's like being numb. It's like somebody has injected me with a magical virus, with no antidote. One day I'm fine, the other I'm not. I may be over exaggerating a bit, but this is how it feels.
Things are starting to change. Not for the good, most for the worse. Half the people I thought who would always be beside me, are the ones who changed the most. They seem to think the world revolves around them for some odd reason. They never have the time to please themselves, nor their closest friends. They're too caught up in impressing the ones who in reality, don't give two shits about them. They're caught up in the moment. Forget about what makes you feel good, have you ever wondered if what you're doing is really worth it? Do you think your words, your actions, really describe who you really are. You're giving out the wrong impressions to not only the wrong people; but everybody around you.
It may seem hella crazy to say, but all this has made me stronger. Because of these ongoing situations, I've realized who does matter, and who had but no longer doe. I realized my so called "maynesqueeze" has it's limits. Bestfriend is a term, which is used way too often way too quickly. A bestfriend is a person who will stick by you no matter what. It's corny, and simple, but it's nothing but the truth. A bestfriend keeps you smiling, it's not just making a curved line with your lips. A bestfriend, lives up to their word. Actions should be observed, and the words should be ignored, sometimes. But feeling this way, personally, has been confusingly amazing. It made me stronger. It really has. It showed me what life can throw at you. Quicker than a blink of an eye. I'm trying to stay true to myself, to my family, to my friends, and most importantly to God. I've been biting my tongue half the way through, but I've been learning that I shouldn't be biting my tongue in the first place. I shouldn't be thinking of saying those ugly things. I did change. But I'm changing for the better now, and that's all that matters. I love my bestfriends, and I'm doing whatever I possibly can to save our friendships. Highschools coming our way, and hopefully we'll be prepared for this rollercoaster ride. I'll be here, I'm not going anywhere.
Love. "Love" isn't what I'm looking for now a days. It seems so utterly stupid to not know who you are yourself, then for me to have a boyfriend. Lately, I've been missing it though. Missing that feeling; having somebody there for me no matter what, to keep me company, keep me strong, warm, feeling safe, you know just things like that. But I realized, I can do this by myself. I can keep myself confident, and strong, all on my own. I don't need a boyfriend for that. For things like this, you got family. Your family can't ever be taken away from you. And for now, if I can't say " I love you " to my two loving parents, and really mean it from the bottom of my heart, I shouldn't be able to say it to anybody else on this Earth. That's the truth. I know I've broken somebody's heart lately, and that isn't a thing for me to be proud of. I've never been, and never will be. That's the worst thing I'd ever want to do to somebody, and especially him. I hope you know I'm sorry. It's hard for me to say these things, but when I do, I hope you appreciate it. I hope you appreciate what I'm doing for you. I want to be friends, not only friends, but the best of friends. How we started, no? That's what I want, and hopefully that's what you need.
People or what I thought were "friend" are starting to hate now. Fuck that shit yo, hate me all you want. I'm trying to be the better person in any situation that's going on now a days, but there's a limit to that. Especially when all I've been doing was trying to be nice, and considerate. But if you can't take the truth in, then I can't help you. Life isn't about what you want, sorry to burst your bubble. But sometimes, you just need to go with the flow, no?
That's all I have to say for now. I was a bit bored, and was thinking so yeahp :) That's all.
Things are starting to change. Not for the good, most for the worse. Half the people I thought who would always be beside me, are the ones who changed the most. They seem to think the world revolves around them for some odd reason. They never have the time to please themselves, nor their closest friends. They're too caught up in impressing the ones who in reality, don't give two shits about them. They're caught up in the moment. Forget about what makes you feel good, have you ever wondered if what you're doing is really worth it? Do you think your words, your actions, really describe who you really are. You're giving out the wrong impressions to not only the wrong people; but everybody around you.
It may seem hella crazy to say, but all this has made me stronger. Because of these ongoing situations, I've realized who does matter, and who had but no longer doe. I realized my so called "maynesqueeze" has it's limits. Bestfriend is a term, which is used way too often way too quickly. A bestfriend is a person who will stick by you no matter what. It's corny, and simple, but it's nothing but the truth. A bestfriend keeps you smiling, it's not just making a curved line with your lips. A bestfriend, lives up to their word. Actions should be observed, and the words should be ignored, sometimes. But feeling this way, personally, has been confusingly amazing. It made me stronger. It really has. It showed me what life can throw at you. Quicker than a blink of an eye. I'm trying to stay true to myself, to my family, to my friends, and most importantly to God. I've been biting my tongue half the way through, but I've been learning that I shouldn't be biting my tongue in the first place. I shouldn't be thinking of saying those ugly things. I did change. But I'm changing for the better now, and that's all that matters. I love my bestfriends, and I'm doing whatever I possibly can to save our friendships. Highschools coming our way, and hopefully we'll be prepared for this rollercoaster ride. I'll be here, I'm not going anywhere.
Love. "Love" isn't what I'm looking for now a days. It seems so utterly stupid to not know who you are yourself, then for me to have a boyfriend. Lately, I've been missing it though. Missing that feeling; having somebody there for me no matter what, to keep me company, keep me strong, warm, feeling safe, you know just things like that. But I realized, I can do this by myself. I can keep myself confident, and strong, all on my own. I don't need a boyfriend for that. For things like this, you got family. Your family can't ever be taken away from you. And for now, if I can't say " I love you " to my two loving parents, and really mean it from the bottom of my heart, I shouldn't be able to say it to anybody else on this Earth. That's the truth. I know I've broken somebody's heart lately, and that isn't a thing for me to be proud of. I've never been, and never will be. That's the worst thing I'd ever want to do to somebody, and especially him. I hope you know I'm sorry. It's hard for me to say these things, but when I do, I hope you appreciate it. I hope you appreciate what I'm doing for you. I want to be friends, not only friends, but the best of friends. How we started, no? That's what I want, and hopefully that's what you need.
People or what I thought were "friend" are starting to hate now. Fuck that shit yo, hate me all you want. I'm trying to be the better person in any situation that's going on now a days, but there's a limit to that. Especially when all I've been doing was trying to be nice, and considerate. But if you can't take the truth in, then I can't help you. Life isn't about what you want, sorry to burst your bubble. But sometimes, you just need to go with the flow, no?
That's all I have to say for now. I was a bit bored, and was thinking so yeahp :) That's all.
