Once you've got everything
you've ever wanted, you've got everything to lose
heal my broken heart.
Saturday, May 23 / 7:16:00 PM
I knew that this would happen, eventually. That you might be thinking that I'm forgetting and regretting, about the one and only you. Well, what I thought was the "one and only" for my life. But I was wrong. And you and I have both proved you wrong, as well. Nobody will ever forget their first love. Not lust, nor infatuation, but love. You never know what you had, until it's gone, and it's obvious and plain to see. That quote, is now displayed in front our own two eyes. Not one day will pass me by, where I won't think about us. Not you, us. What we had together. When we accomplished, established, and overcame, as one. We were like jack and jill, you know climbing that hill. But we tumbled back down one after the other.. Many have told me to never use the word forever, and now, I can see why I didn't, and why I shouldn't.
It's hard when people lie to you, and it's even harder when they don't realize it. It's harder when you hear the most heartbreaking things from others, when you deserve to hear it yourself. It's tough, life's tough. I won't blame you for everything, but there's some things that I can't seem to forget. I had taken part in many wrong things, that obviously hurt like a bitch, and there were lies that haven't been told but I can't seem to get over us. And that's what always gets to me. But I know my limits. I'm done chasing. I'm done running; running out of breath. I'm not looking for anyone, and I'm not looking for you. I'm trying to find one person, who means the most in my life. I'm looking for the one whom I trust, respect, and honour the most. I'm looking for myself. You helped me find me in the first place, but I seemed to have gotten lost half way through.
You were my everything, but now it seems like I have nothing. And what I've continued to phrase in my head, over and over and over again, is that words mean nothing to me now. Actions, is where it's at. Your actions have spoken way louder than your words through everything we went through, and that's what had lead me up to the decision I made. And I hope you know that... You think I was happy to do that to you? It's like you forced me to. And it's not even funny how I ramble about this all day long; in my mind and to my friends. I feel bad for myself. I feel bad when I tell my friends how easy it could be if you could just forgive and forget, cause I know for a fact that I can't do that myself.
So what? After everything you said to me, you're just going to do this? Push me away. For what? Part time? All the way through? I just don't seem to get it. Here, again, I'm the one on my knees, begging for recognition. Obviously I feel replaced. But it's not even about that feeling. It's about, how you push me away as a whole. For every girl with a broken heart, there's always a boy with a glue gun. I thought you were that guy. I thought no matter what, you'd pick me up off the ground. Clean off my scrape, and always heal the wounds... Not make them. Yeah, I do have a lot that I expect from you, because I'm so used to you always giving me the best, your best. But I just gotta get used to the fact that maybe I did waste my time. I thought you were the ride I'd die for, but in the end... the one who made me cry wasn't always worth my tears.
- stefanie van nguyen.
It's hard when people lie to you, and it's even harder when they don't realize it. It's harder when you hear the most heartbreaking things from others, when you deserve to hear it yourself. It's tough, life's tough. I won't blame you for everything, but there's some things that I can't seem to forget. I had taken part in many wrong things, that obviously hurt like a bitch, and there were lies that haven't been told but I can't seem to get over us. And that's what always gets to me. But I know my limits. I'm done chasing. I'm done running; running out of breath. I'm not looking for anyone, and I'm not looking for you. I'm trying to find one person, who means the most in my life. I'm looking for the one whom I trust, respect, and honour the most. I'm looking for myself. You helped me find me in the first place, but I seemed to have gotten lost half way through.
You were my everything, but now it seems like I have nothing. And what I've continued to phrase in my head, over and over and over again, is that words mean nothing to me now. Actions, is where it's at. Your actions have spoken way louder than your words through everything we went through, and that's what had lead me up to the decision I made. And I hope you know that... You think I was happy to do that to you? It's like you forced me to. And it's not even funny how I ramble about this all day long; in my mind and to my friends. I feel bad for myself. I feel bad when I tell my friends how easy it could be if you could just forgive and forget, cause I know for a fact that I can't do that myself.
So what? After everything you said to me, you're just going to do this? Push me away. For what? Part time? All the way through? I just don't seem to get it. Here, again, I'm the one on my knees, begging for recognition. Obviously I feel replaced. But it's not even about that feeling. It's about, how you push me away as a whole. For every girl with a broken heart, there's always a boy with a glue gun. I thought you were that guy. I thought no matter what, you'd pick me up off the ground. Clean off my scrape, and always heal the wounds... Not make them. Yeah, I do have a lot that I expect from you, because I'm so used to you always giving me the best, your best. But I just gotta get used to the fact that maybe I did waste my time. I thought you were the ride I'd die for, but in the end... the one who made me cry wasn't always worth my tears.
- stefanie van nguyen.
